Reflection

Counting the days up until Max's first birthday has made me all sorts of contemplative.  How much our lives have changed in the last 12 months, how fascinating it is to watch a little person grow, and what is in store for us for the rest of our lives.

On the day before his birthday, I kept looking at my watch (or cellphone rather, I do not own a watch) and thinking, its 7:30, a year ago today I was on my back, pushing with all my might, with no avail, waiting impatiently for my lil bean to arrive.  I have to admit, these flashbacks made me a little weepy.  I guess because at that moment, while I was pushing, I had no idea or comprehension of how my life would transformed.  Now, of course I knew my life would change.....but to the extent that it has changed my world, I was not prepared.  And although these changes have been gradual it sometimes hits me in the middle of the night as I am drifting into sleep.  " I am a mother".  HOLY SHIT BALLS!!!!

Being a mother is a load of responsibility.  Not only to Max, but to myself.  To be a great mother, to be a true teacher, and to be incredibly patient and encouraging all at the same time.  Having these expectations of myself has changed me internally.  I can no longer go through my day wondering when or if I have time to watch another episode of HGTV, oh no. It is now wondering if I have been on my hands and knees long enough engaging with my son, mimicking his cooing sounds as if I know what he is trying to say to me.  It is filled with laughter and wonderment.  It is truly fulfilling.

What a great 12 months it has been.